


TSUKIMI - Gazing at the Moon

by Hitomi_G



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Pining, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15396171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitomi_G/pseuds/Hitomi_G
Summary: When Kuroo and Tsukishima find the comfort of the other's body one night, they decide it's okay to be friends with benefits from then on. They don't know how long they'll last, but they trust each other so much that they don't have second thoughts about it being something casual and fleeding, nothing serious, and definitely not something that could ruin their friendship. That is, until Kuroo's old feelings for Tsukishima start to warn him he should finish it all before he gets hurt. He knew the risk beforehand, yet he decided to ignore it.





	1. I swear I don't like you like that anymore

**Author's Note:**

> English is no my first language. If you find any mistake let me know so I can correct it.

**_TSUKIMI – GAZING AT THE MOON_ **

**_Chapter 1 – I swear I don’t like you like that anymore_ **

“Don’t stop”

Tsukishima moaned as Kuroo sucked the tip of his cock and sank his fingertips in his tights. He obeyed. He was tired, sweaty and definitely not drunk enough, but he continued licking and sucking Tsukishima’s skin while the slender fingers of the blond got tangled in his hair and his breath turned more and more agitated and loud. Kuroo didn’t mind indulging him even though his own erection was trembling against is jeans, or in spite of the desire his lips had to catch Tsukishima’s in a hot kiss. He’d take care of it all later, because right now nothing mattered like Tsukishima. When did anything matter more, anyways? Nothing drove him crazy like Tsukishima, nothing made him lose him will to say no like Tsukishima did, and nothing existed in his mind at that moment other than Tsukishima.

He thought every single move, every single touch, and every single teasing bite in order to satisfy Tsukishima, who in that moment pulled his hair, finally breaking the contact between his tongue and the other’s erection.

“You okay?” Kuroo just nodded and then lost his breath when Tsukishima pulled him closer and stole a kiss. Kuroo felt him bite his lips and lost every piece of sanity he had left. Tsukishima looked for his zipper with his hands and pulled down; Kuroo backtracked to take off his jeans and then continued to kiss him. Tsukishima held Kuroo’s head with one hand and grabbed his dick with the other, taking advantage of the accumulated humidity of Kuroo’s precum to slide his fingers along the whole length in fast and firm strokes, and smiled against Kuroo’s lips when he started to moan. He enjoyed pleasuring Kuroo, listening to him, watching him come apart as he touched him.

Sensing that it was about time and not wanting to wait any longer, he lied down and Kuroo followed obediently. Tsukishima grabbed the lube bottle they kept on the nightstand and handled it to Kuroo, who placed a soft kiss on his forehead before grabbing it and squeezing some of its content in his hand.

Tsukishima didn’t even take a breath before Kuroo pressed his bony fingers to his entrance, he simply relaxed and welcomed the familiar cold and pleasant sensation, for Kuroo was good at prepping him for the heat that was to come next. While Kuroo slid his fingers in and out, he kept kissing and biting Tsukishima’s neck, feeling that he knew the other enjoyed and that helped his current task to be done easier. When Tsukishima signaled that he was ready, he pulled his fingers out and gave his erection a few strokes to keep it awake while he left Tsukishima push him down onto the bed and sit on his tights. It was Tsukishima who took his hand away and continued the job himself before lifting his hips and letting them sink in the heat of Kuroo’s cock.

Each thrust made them hold onto the other with more strength and in just a few minutes they had already increased the rhythm in which their pelvises met. Both let out occasional moans and huffs of exhaustion, but neither stopped until Tsukishima came on Kuroo’s abs. He let him continue thrusting inside of him until he came to an end too, and then let his weight fall on Kuroo’s chest.

Tsukishima felt the familiar hands petting his head and caressing is back, and decided to just let himself feel it all. Their breathing was uneven and their bodies sticky. Kuroo proposed a shower, to which Tsukishima agreed. He left the bed and turned on the lights to look for a couple of towels. He opened the door to leave the room and handled one of the towels to Kuroo before leaving for the bathroom, sure that the other would follow.

“The water is cold”. Kuroo had hesitated a little before entering the bathroom, where Tsukishima was already covered in soap. “I don’t like it”.

“Well, sorry, deal with it”

Kuroo sighed and proceeded to grab the soap and clean himself. Tsukishima was turning his back on him as usual, while Kuroo stared at the birthmark he had on his right hip. He wanted to touch it, to kiss it, but he remembered the first time he had tried to be affectionate towards the other after sex he had been coldly rejected. Not that Tsukishima was cold every time, but their relationship wasn’t intimate enough, and Kuroo blamed himself for even trying to touch him.

He knew Tsukishima from before, back in high school, when his volleyball team and Tsukishima’s had been eternal rivals in court, but quite good friends outside matches. He remembered the admiration he felt for Tsukishima, for the way he played and how smart he was. Kuroo remembered fondly his times coaching him and other first years the year when they met. They all had left a deep impression on Kuroo, but not like Tsukishima. The boy was arrogant on his own way, yet shy and insecure. He clearly hid his real thoughts from everyone else and rarely showed any kind of emotion that wasn’t tiredness or mocking of others. He stood out without realizing it, and without wanting to. Kuroo was attracted to him, he definitely was. His crush had become apparent by the second time they had met. He didn’t realize how much he was expecting to see him until he did and thus a juvenile love blossomed in his heart.

He never really tried to make a move to get Tsukishima to like him. He realized that because of the distance it was nothing but a helpless crush that he would have to get over with, so he did. He tried his best not to pay attention to him or to the way he paid attention to others. The freckled guy in Tsukishima’s team was the death of Kuroo. The boy was clearly crushing hard on their youngest manager, but that never stopped the jealousy that infected Kuroo’s heart whenever he saw them both together. Not that Tsukishima paid especial attention to the other boy, but he did show a higher level of tolerance whenever he spoke with him.

And the years passed. Kuroo had graduated high school, but always came back to see the matches of the teammates he had left in charge of his team. From time to time, he would see Tsukishima there. The feelings he had had were no longer a burden for him and he had dated and crushed on other people during this time. Who said he wasn’t going to be able to get over him? His friend Bokuto, who he kept seeing in college, always teased him about it. “Hey, Kuroo how was Tsukishima’s game this weekend? Did you even pay attention to it at all?” Kuroo would laugh and remind him that all that was in the past.

What he never dared to mention is that he never lost contact with Tsukishima. He had befriended him on Facebook and any other social media that both of them used, and they had exchanged numbers before he graduated high school. He also never dared to tell anyone how often they texted each other or how flirtatious the tone of the messages was. Not once did he talk about him in any conversation with people that knew him unless someone else brought him into it, and he always did his best to comment in the most superficial way that he could.

“Oh, I haven’t heard of him”, “He posted some pictures from when he visited Hokkaido in a school trip, but other than that…”, “I didn’t know that had happened to him”.

He did know.

In order to convince himself that he had gotten over him he had changed his Facebook settings so that Tsukishima’s posts wouldn’t show up while he scrolled down. He constantly erased their chats so he didn’t have the urge to go back to reread them looking for a hidden message that wasn’t there. He stopped texting him altogether for a long period of time to pretend that he didn’t exist. He did whatever he could to erase him completely from his life.

It had worked, until one day, after several months of not talking and not having any news from him at all, he received a text message.

“ _Oi, there’s this especial screening of A Clockwork Orange downtown in Tokyo tonight. Would you like to come?”_

Kuroo had felt special.

Not in a “he definitely loves me” way, but in a “he actually considers me his friend” one, and he was happy. Tsukishima was from Miyagi, so after Kuroo accepted going with him to the screening he had questioned Tsukishima about what he was doing in Tokyo. Kuroo knew that he shouldn’t have felt so delighted when Tsukishima told him that he had moved there to go to University. His excitement was definitely a bad sign, but he refused to acknowledge it.

So they met. Tsukishima arrived half an hour late because he was still getting to know his way around town, but Kuroo waited patiently for him. He didn’t feel any particular feeling when he showed up in casual clothes and with a new pair of glasses that framed his face in a very attractive way. Or at least that’s what he told himself. In any case, they weren’t allowed to go inside the screening room because they arrived in the middle of the movie. A little disappointed – Kuroo actually enjoyed cult movies, not because Tsukishima liked them too, but because he felt a deep excitement trying to decipher their meanings and signs – both decided to just go to a park nearby and catch up. They didn’t really talk much, Tsukishima mostly made small talk about his life as a University student and how he had moved in to Tokyo with his brother. Kuroo mostly listened to him and told him a few stories about his own student life. When they were leaving they decided to pass by a convenience store to buy something to drink. Tsukishima offered to pay for Kuroo’s bottle of water, but Kuroo rejected the gesture. Someone had told him later that he had been very foolish for doing so.

They parted ways once they arrived at the train station and moved on with their lives without hearing from the other in several months.

“ _We live in the same city now, so you can text me to hang out whenever you feel like it”_ Kuroo had typed after the encounter with trembling fingers on his smartphone and hesitated before pressing “Send”. “ _Sure, it was nice seeing you”_ was Tsukishima’s almost immediate reply.

The next time they spent time together was in a group. Kuroo was in his best friend’s house – Kenma, a childhood friend who for some reason got used to Kuroo’s opposite personality and never stopped being his friend in spite of that – when he received the unexpected text message.

_“Hey, Akaashi and I are meeting with some friends at the bar near your station, wanna come?”_

Kenma assured him that his face had glowed the moment he had read who the message was from. Kuroo, of course, denied it.

“Don’t be ridiculous! It’s just that I haven’t seen Akaashi in forever! Hey, he says you can come too”

“No, thanks. You know I don’t drink and I rather not be there just in case your drunken self makes your tongue get loose”

“I’ll tell Bokuto, then”

Bokuto couldn’t make it. But, God! How much fun Kuroo had that night! He really missed Akaashi’s honest opinions and somehow cold demeanor. And he wasn’t feeling anything for Tsukishima anymore! And the beer had been so good! He hadn’t had so much fun in a while, so of course the next time Tsukishima invited him he said yes.

And they kept hanging out at least once every month. Some University friends that Tsukishima and Akaashi invited started to tag along. Bokuto joined them sometimes and even Kai, a former member of Kuroo’s volleyball team, stared to go out with them. But just as everyone was getting to know each other, life started to make them drift apart. Suddenly their reunions became less and less crowded, with them being brought back to the initial trio. Not that they cared too much, they still had fun together. Akaashi, who studied in the same University as Tsukishima, started to become more and more occupied by partials and projects, and in an unexpected turn of events, Kuroo and Tsukishima had started to hang out without anyone else’s company.

Kuroo was worried that Tsukishima would eventually get bored of him, but their encounters kept happening and they became more and more frequent. They ran out of topics to talk about very quickly, but somehow never got bored of the other. They made fun of each other whenever they could and had deep conversations about life that sometimes turned into philosophical exchanges. Both were smart enough to understand each other, and though one was an extrovert and the other a complete introvert, their friendship worked based solely on those encounters and small talk. Kuroo found it surprising that an intellectual guy such as Tsukishima continued to be in touch with him despite the awkward silence that sometimes emerged in between talks and the lack of opinion and criteria that Kuroo felt when Tsukishima asked some questions.

They did learn a lot about each other during those times though, like how Kuroo’s greatest fear was to be left behind by everyone, or how Tsukishima didn’t want to have kids but enjoyed being around them anyways. Kuroo also learned that Tsukishima’s parents had broken up years ago, and Tsukishima helped Kuroo through the difficult time when his own parents shared the same destiny. They never talked about one specific topic, though, and Kuroo never knew if he – or both of them - was avoiding it on purpose or if they just never got their way around it or maybe it was just that they never knew how to bring it out; but romanticism, love and relationships were never something that they discussed about. Not even when they were walking together down the street and saw a couple kissing or holding hands, not when both were openly gay, not when Kuroo tried to open a door at the same time as Tsukishima and his hand had casually stayed on top of his own for the brief moment when they got out of the bar they frequented feeling tipsy. Not when Kuroo got himself a boyfriend and Tsukishima was surprised to find out. Tsukishima only brought it out when he saw Kuroo replying to his boyfriend’s text annoyingly during one of their encounters.

“Is everything okay?” he had asked “Is it the boyfriend?”

Kuroo decided to ignore the emphasis that Tsukishima had put on the article and sighed before answering.

“Yeah, I’m kind of getting tired of him”

“Why?”

Why the sudden interest? Was what Kuroo wanted to reply, but instead answered the question.

“I’ve been having second thoughts about him since the very beginning. He became someone completely different the moment we started to date”

“Why didn’t you tell him then? You should have ended t if you didn’t like him”

“It’s not that I didn’t like him, I just didn’t expect him to be so into the relationship as soon as we started… Did I tell you he went to visit my mom right after he confessed and I said yes?” Tsukishima grimaced “Yeah, I know… He also told me he loved me like, a week after that. He told me he didn’t need me to say it back yet, but…”

“I see” Tsukishima cleaned the bottle of beer that the waiter had just left in front of him with the sleeve of his shirt and took a sip before continuing. “Well, the way I see it he is pressuring you into feeling something for him, which is wrong. You can’t make people feel what you want. He doesn’t realize that by behaving that way he is not pulling you closer, but pushing you away”.

“Yes! Exactly! He has complained about me not being affectionate while texting and he was making me feel obliged to go on a trip with him and his grandmother because he had already told her that I would go, without consulting me first!”

“Did you tell him all that?”

“I did, I mean, I tried… I didn’t want to hurt his feelings either, and he seemed to understand, but he keeps going back to the same complaints.”

“Why don’t you break up with him then?”

“I wanted to, but we’ve only been dating for a month and he is my first ‘real’ boyfriend. I thought that maybe I was being unreasonable because I’m not used to dating someone formally, and people keep telling me that maybe I should just give him a chance and with time I’ll see if I feel the same way or if I change my mind about him.”

“That’s stupid. I’m sorry, but it is. Why would you force yourself to feel something for someone? Why does society always have to tell us the “right way” to love or to have a relationship with someone? You’re just hurting yourself and feeling guilty for not being able to love him back AND hurting him with promises you know you can’t keep. You’re being unfair with both.”

Tsukishima stopped talking and drank another sip of beer, and Kuroo couldn’t help but to notice how fast he had spoken and how right he was. He also couldn’t help his lips curving into a smile when he told him that he agreed and that he had been okay with having only casual relationships and one-night-stands up until that moment. Having someone who told him that what he thought was valid made him feel reassured and really happy.

“Screw it! I’ll talk to him and see what happens. I’ll tell him that I need more time and that he shouldn’t put so much pressure on me!”

“Well said” Tsukishima was checking his phone at that moment and was reading an e-mail with movie recommendations from a page he had subscribed to. “Hey, have you seen any of these movies?” he asked flashing the high brightness of his screen to Kuroo, who had to blink a few times before being able to read the list.

The night ended with them making a promise to get together at Tsukishima’s place to watch one or several of the movies. The next day, Kuroo texted Tsukishima that he had broken up with his boyfriend. And almost two months passed before they could finally get together to their movie marathon. They weren’t able to watch pass the introduction of the first one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read until the end then thank you! What will happen to our favorite protagonists? I'll let you know next chapter, but I guess you can have an idea. I would appreciate your comments if you'd like to leave any. See you around.


	2. I can do this

**_TSUKIMI – GAZING AT THE MOON_ **

**_Chapter 2: I can do this_ **

Tsukishima had been at Kuroo’s house before, when they were high schoolers and their volleyball teams caused them to bond. The first time, Tsukishima was invited over with the rest of his team to an after-match-dinner. It had been right after Kuroo’s last tournament as captain of his team. After a long and pretty equal match the best team had won and advanced to the finals, leaving the other a mess of disappointed but really good players who had given their all in court. Their rivalry in court didn’t stop them from celebrating. Leaving the competition and the result behind, both teams got along quite well, and Kuroo had no problem inviting them to spend a day in his home.

Tsukishima remembered thinking that it was impossible to fit two complete volleyball teams in one small house, but it turned out that Kuroo’s parents where wealthy doctors and could afford a big house with a big backyard. He went there for a second time when he needed help to study for a chemistry exam, Kuroo’s specialty. He and his friend Yamaguchi had paid a visit to Tokyo just to get his help, which resulted in not only great grades for both, but also in a nice tour that helped Tsukishima decide what he wanted to do after he graduated. He loved the rural landscape of Miyagi prefecture, of course, but there was something about the city that attracted him even more. To be completely honest, he could have gotten a tutor back home, but he needed an excuse to travel, and Kuroo was a great one. His brother, an enthusiastic and overprotective office worker named Akiteru, lived in Tokyo too, but his mother knew he just sucked at anything that had to do with science.

So when Tsukishima had told Kuroo that they should get together to watch movies, his natural thought was that they would watch them in Kuroo’s 40 inches TV that was in a room with A/C and comfortable armchairs, far different from the cramped apartment he shared with his brother, in which they actually started to watch the movie that Kuroo had chosen, with only two small bedrooms and no furniture other than their beds and nightstands.

Not that Tsukishima had any problem sharing his home at all, but maybe if they had actually been under the constant supervision of Kuroo’s mother coming into the room asking them if they wanted more tea while they watched the movie, each sitting in an armchair with their own bowl of popcorn, the events that took place that night would have never happened.

And, yes, it had been Tsukishima who offered his apartment to begin with, telling Kuroo that he couldn’t stay at his house because he had to go to university early the next morning. Kuroo said that he had no problem, and thus, decided to meet at the train station so that Tsukishima could guide him to where he lived.

They had also decided to meet at three in the afternoon, but Kuroo’s shift at the cafeteria where he worked was changed due to one of his co-worker’s birthday, so they ended up meeting at almost eight at night.

It was as if life had planned to get them together from the very beginning.

When they arrived at his place, Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo was even more curious than he remembered him to be. He examined his walls and the lack of pictures on it, he kept asking why there were so many dishes in the sink if only two people lived there, and he asked to meet the cat that he had seen so many times on Tsukishima’s Instagram page.

“It’s actually the neighbor’s cat” he said “but for some reason he spends all day here. See that hole in the window over there?” Kuroo looked at the broken piece of glass that Tsukishima was pointing at “that’s how he comes in and out”.

Tsukishima offered Kuroo a can of beer and opened one for himself before showing him which of the three doors inside the apartment lead to his bedroom.

“This one is Akiteru’s” he clarified as if Kuroo remembered his brother’s name “and that one is the bathroom, if you need to use it. Now, come in.”

Kuroo only took a step inside before Tsukishima turned the lights on and let him see the mountains of books that he kept in every corner of the bedroom. He was completely amazed by them, and Tsukishima wondered if he had had the same reaction the first time he went to his house.

Tsukishima told Kuroo to make himself comfortable on the bed or to look around if he wanted to while he got the TV and HDMI cable from Akiteru’s bedroom and prepared everything to start. Kuroo didn’t dare to even look at the bed until Tsukishima had finished connecting his laptop to the TV, so Tsukishima had to gesture him to go and lie down. Kuroo seated at the edge of the mattress instead, crossing his leg and leaving an acceptable space between their bodies. When they finally decided on a movie, Tsukishima turned the lights off and came back to lie on his side next to Kuroo.

Silence reigned in the room, except from that of the dialogues and soundtrack of the movie. From time to time Tsukishima heard Kuroo sighing before trying to find a more comfortable position. “Just lie down already” he told him, but Kuroo still tried to resist a few more minutes before giving up. Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo didn’t feel comfortable even after finally resting his head on a pillow, so he offered him a blanket to use as cushion for his neck. Kuroo accepted it and was able to stay still or a couple minutes before he felt an urge to go to the bathroom.

“Must have been the beer” he excused himself “I’ll pause it while I’m gone.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Tsukishima grabbed his phone from inside his pocket and read the few messages he had received while he and Kuroo had been in his house. He replied to one that his father had sent and to one from a friend who was asking about the reading he had to do in advance for the next day’s lecture. He left the others unread before closing the app. He looked at the hour. It was already eleven o’clock, he probably would have to let Kuroo stay over, so he stood up to get another blanket before he came back to the room.

“I’m back” Kuroo announced while he entered the room.

“I can see that, you don’t need to tell me”

“Grumpy much?”

“Not at all. Shall we?”

Kuroo played the movie again and let his weight fall on the bed, right next to Tsukishima. He didn’t mean to, but he was lying closer to him than before, and his hand was resting dangerously close to Tsukishima’s head. “ _Let’s try my luck, then”_ Tsukishima thought, and moved his head a few centimeters until Kuroo’s fingers could touch it. He felt his hand tense at the contact, but he didn’t move. He found that reaction quite interesting.

Only fifteen minutes had passed when Kuroo stretched his arms and let them fall behind his head, where Tsukishima rested his. Not on purpose, Kuroo’s left hand landed on Tsukishima’s right one. Neither dared to move an inch. Kuroo thought that it would be weird if he just moved his hand immediately, for Tsukishima might have thought that he wasn’t comfortable or something. In reality, he had a different motive to keep it there, feeling the warmth of Tsukishima’s fingers holding his wrist, but he wouldn’t admit that until much later. Tsukishima held his breath. He realized he had no idea what the movie was about, he hadn’t been paying attention from the beginning, and it might have been the beer or all the casualties that had brought them together in such a compromising and intimate position that night, but he couldn’t help the heat and rush of adrenaline that was stimulating a very physical reaction between his tights.

One minute passed, and then another one; and Tsukishima realized that Kuroo wasn’t going to make any move. Was he really feeling needy enough to do what he had in mind? Not really, he was only half hard and he could probably restrain himself from any action that night, but he couldn’t deny that there was something in Kuroo that had been causing some sensations for a while. He felt attracted to him, he definitely knew that, even before inviting him over, but he never thought that he would ever have a chance to satisfy that curiosity that he had been keeping a secret in the back of his mind. It was not desire, it was not love, just plain sexual attraction, the kind one felt when watching a very handsome actor on screen. He didn’t want Kuroo, he just wondered if he knew how to move and how to touch and how to kiss.

When Kuroo sighed again, something inside Tsukishima became undone and any restraint went to hell. He didn’t hesitate when he turned and kissed him cautiously on the lips, sure that the other would kiss back. He had no idea why, he just knew that it was going to be okay. Kuroo would consent, so it was okay.

He wasn’t wrong. The moment their lips touched, Kuroo opened his mouth to let Tsukishima’s tongue slide inside and his hands were suddenly pressing against Tsukishima’s hip bones. Had they been thinking the same thing the whole night? Was it a spur of the moment thing? Did Kuroo have the intention of sleeping with him all along? Tsukishima didn’t know. Maybe it had always been like that; maybe both had been dancing around each other wondering if anything was possible to exist between them and if so who would succumb first. The teasing and flirtatious texts and conversations suddenly stopped being a mere joke and took a deeper and real meaning. And so after years of random pick-up lines and cute emoji, Tsukishima finally admitted to himself that he had always wanted this and that Kuroo had always given him opportunities that he never took pretending that he was oblivious to the obvious.

He wasn’t sure when, but in between the kissing and the caressing, Kuroo had ended up sitting in between his legs while he unbuttoned his jeans. Tsukishima sat and got rid of his shirt, and then let Kuroo take away the nuisance that was the denim sticking to his skin.

Kuroo was getting rid of their underwear, just tossing it to the side without thinking, when Tsukishima kissed him again, more passionately and more desperate than before. And just like that, they were in tune, what they had never imagined consciously was now guiding them along every brush of skin and helping them to synchronize perfectly.

Kuroo pulled away to regain some oxygen and to look at Tsukishima’s perfect face. He realized he was still wearing his glasses, so he took a moment to carefully take them away and place them on the nightstand next to the bed. Before his glasses were taken away Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo was blushing although the room was dark. The movie was still on, so the light from the TV gave them just enough illumination to see each other. He was also aware of what they were doing, and decided to ask before going further, but Kuroo had anticipated the question.

“Do you feel drunk?” he asked, to which Tsukishima smiled and shook his head.

“Do you?”

“No, I’m fine” Tsukishima watched as Kuroo’s Adam’s apple ascended and descended in his throat before continuing “Is this okay?”

“It is”

And with that small exchange of consent, they resumed their kissing. Tsukishima grabbed one of Kuroo’s hands at some point and led it to his expecting cock. Kuroo took it and did his best to help Tsukishima come. When he did he tried to touch Kuroo too, but he assured him he was okay and let himself fall next to him.

They refused to be the first to talk, until Tsukishima’s eyelids started to feel heavy and he stood up to turn off the laptop and the TV.

“It’s too late to go catch the train. You should stay.”

“Okay, I’ll text my mother that I’m staying with Bokuto so she doesn’t worry.”

Tsukishima turned the lights on for a moment in order to put away the laptop and find his clothes. He handed Kuroo his shirt and told him that since it was summer and he didn’t have A/C it was probably better to sleep just in underwear. Kuroo nodded, but kept the shirt on anyways. When they finally went to sleep they wished each other nice dreams and turned their backs to the other.

It was now Tsukishima who couldn’t stop moving, Kuroo noticed. He seemed to have muscular contractions in his legs every few minutes, and he kept rolling back and forth to lie on his stomach and then back to his side. But that really wasn’t what was keeping him awake.

_“What have you done, Tetsurou? This was a bad idea. You used to like him a lot, remember? How did you get dragged into this? You can’t undo it now. Is he awake? Would he push you away if you tried to hug him? Come on, Tetsurou! What the hell are you thinking! Of course he would! This didn’t mean anything to him, you’re just a one-time thing, you know him already, and you don’t like him that way anyway, so this has to be the first and last time that you do this. And don’t you dare to fall for him again, remember how hard it was for you the first time. You only had sex, big deal, and he is your friend, and he won’t stop being your friend after this, so just calm down and fall asleep already!”_

And it may have been that his thoughts were super loud in his head and Tsukishima was able to hear them – by then Kuroo really believed Tsukishima could do anything- or perhaps Tsukishima just never fell asleep at all, but Kuroo’s thoughts stopped when he heard his voice so close to his ear.

“Are you awake?”

“Yes” he replied in the lowest voice he could muster then, and proceeded to joke because that was how he usually dealt with his emotions whenever he had trouble expressing them “You just don’t stop moving, I can’t sleep like that.”

Tsukishima laughed and then turned around to face him, only to find that Kuroo had his back turned on him. “You are the one who can’t stop moving, not me.”

“I am not. Seriously, you may need to go see a doctor or something.”

“Does it bother you too much?”

“Well… not really, but it might be neurological, so you better go get examined”

“You’re funny” Tsukishima responded in between laughter.

“I am, thanks for noticing.”

“Let’s just try to fall asleep already, alright? No more complaining about the other.”

“I agree.”

And just like that, Kuroo closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind from every thought, and then he felt Tsukishima’s arm embrace him by the waist and pull him closer. His mind took a couple of hours to calm down, but he finally fell asleep out of pure mental and physical exhaustion.

Kuroo woke up first the next morning. Tsukishima was still holding him, but he needed to go to the bathroom, so he carefully slid away trying not to wake him up and left the room. He took the liberty of taking a shower since he hadn’t even thought about it the previous night and he was feeling very sweaty and sticky. When he got out the bathroom he played with the cat for a few minutes while he gathered enough courage to go back inside the room, where Tsukishima was still sleeping. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to leave without talking about what had happened, but he didn’t want to wake Tsukishima up either, so he took a look at the books Tsukishima kept in a corner and grabbed one that caught his attention. He was halfway through the third chapter when Tsukishima finally woke up.

Silently, he looked for his glasses and left the room. He came back minutes later with a towel on his shoulder and a cup of water that he handed to Kuroo without a word.

“Thanks”

Tsukishima nodded and sat next to him on the bed. He picked up his phone from the nightstand and started to read his messages. Kuroo observed him discreetly, getting lost in how his slender and long thumbs slid on the surface of the screen. Tsukishima was a fast typer, Kuroo realized before taking a last sip of water and offering the cup to Tsukishima.

“Don’t you want some?”

“Yeah”

Tsukishima accepted the cup and finished its content in a few seconds. He left the room again and came back with more water. When Kuroo said he didn’t want more, he just left the cup on the floor next to the bed.

“We should have breakfast. I’m hungry”

Kuroo agreed and smiled at finally hearing a complete sentence from Tsukishima. He had been starting to worry; he thought that he might have regretted it after all and that the closeness that took so many years to build between them was going to fall apart for one impulsive night.

Tsukishima made scrambled eggs for breakfast and Kuroo was in charge of preparing some tea. They ate in silence side by side at the small kitchen table that Tsukishima owned while they watched some detective series that Kuroo wasn’t attention to on his laptop. The silence was starting to become unbearable and uncomfortable, and it was obvious that neither wanted to talk about what had happened, although both knew they had to, so instead of that, Kuroo broke the silence from time to time in order to ask for clarification on what was going on in the series or to ask the name of the characters, and Tsukishima paused the chapters to explain parts of the plot to Kuroo.

And like that, the clock struck nine o’clock and Tsukishima told Kuroo that he needed to get ready to go to class at eleven. Kuroo nodded and asked told him he would leave then.

“No, it’s okay. You can stay if you want to; you must be tired after last night. Or if you wait, we can walk to the station together.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll wait, then.” Kuroo only hoped that the blush he felt creeping up his face wasn’t as noticeable as he was imagining it to be.

Tsukishima took a quick shower and got dressed while Kuroo waited lying on his bed, switching between the same three apps on his phone. Kuroo heard Tsukishima coming out of the bathroom and then he heard him talking to someone, probably his brother who was leaving for work. It was then that Kuroo realized that they hadn’t been completely alone the previous night and wondered if Akiteru, whose bedroom was right next door, had heard everything.

Because he was starting to feel his body tense, he decided to put away his phone and pretend he was sleeping before Tsukishima entered the room, which he did just a few seconds after he had closed his eyes. Kuroo listened to him roaming around the room, picking up things and moving drawers. He stayed as still as he could; waiting for Tsukishima to tell him that it was time to leave. Suddenly, he felt a weight right next to him on the mattress, followed by the pressing of Tsukishima’s lips on his.

“Let’s go” he said when Kuroo opened his eyes, and Kuroo followed.

They continued seeing each other week after week. They never really spoke about what was going on, settling on texting the night after their first time about what had happened.

_“We should probably talk about it”_ Tsukishima had typed. _“Definitely, I don’t want us to be weird now”_ Kuroo had replied.

They stablished their rules. Tsukishima let Kuroo know beforehand that he wasn’t against doing it again, but he wasn’t looking for anything romantic or exclusive at the moment. _“If you want exclusivity at some point, or if I feel uncomfortable about you seeing other people, we have to say it.”_ Kuroo just agreed to anything Tsukishima said without really thinking about it. Yes, he had had feelings for him before, but that didn’t mean he would feel them again, right? Yes, he didn’t care if Tsukishima sought other people sexually, as long as he was informed of this afterwards. _“Why?_ ” Tsukishima asked. _“Because I don’t want to catch an STD”_ , was Kuroo’s mature response. And Tsukishima believed him. _“I don’t care if you sleep with other people, so you don’t have to tell me unless you think there’s any health risk that I need to consider, but yeah, I’ll let you know if I go to bed with someone else.”_

Kuroo reread the texts again and again during the following days. He was okay, they were able to go back to speaking like they used to without the awkwardness he had expected to face and Tsukishima had become more honest and confided a little bit more in him.

“If anything, sex has brought us closer” he told Kenma the next time he saw him. By then, Kuroo and Tsukishima had slept together three times, and only a week had passed since the first one.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? You really liked Tsukishima back in high school”

“Don’t worry. I thought thoroughly about it and I know there’s the risk of me falling for him again, so I decided that the moment I start having feelings for him I’ll tell him we must stop.”

“Well, you’re a grown up, you should know what you’re doing.”

One day Tsukishima texted Kuroo from the darkness of his apartment. _“There’s a blackout here, and I’m sweaty and bored.”_

_“What am I supposed to do?”_

_“Don’t be condescending, I was just trying to distract myself by texting you.”_

_“How long have you been without electricity?”_

_“A couple of hours. Someone is coming to fix the problem tomorrow. The whole square is powerless.”_

_“Turn on some candles.”_

_“I did, look.”_

_“Haha, you look creepy with the light of the candles in that angle.”_

_“Yeah, well, I couldn’t find the lantern in the dark and Akiteru’s not home until midnight.”_

_“You can come here if you want.”_

_“Won’t your mother be mad if I arrive suddenly?”_

_“She isn’t here. She’s got a night shift.”_

_“…”_

_“???”_

_“I’ll be there in an hour or so”_

And Kuroo cleaned the house like never before, and he took a shower and waited for Tsukishima to arrive. He turned on the A/C in the living room and distracted himself reading a magazine he found lying there. He was anxious because they had never been only the two of them in his house before of course, not because of that sensation of strong and rapid heartbeats resounding against his chest or that subtle smile threatening to turn into joyful laughter whenever he replied to Tsukishima, who kept texting him during his train ride to avoid falling asleep and missing the stop.

Kuroo’s dog let him know when Tsukishima had arrived. He opened the front gate and led him into the house. He offered some water and ordered a pizza. They watched TV and played Mario Kart for a while and Tsukishima asked for a tour around the huge house. They ate the pizza laughing at Tsukishima’s pet peeve of people like Kuroo leaving the crust and when they both had finished and Kuroo had done the dishes it felt like they had something to say, but neither had the courage to let it out so they sat in the living room in silence facing the wall in front of them.

Kuroo was the first to lose control. Resting his forehead on Tsukishima’s shoulder he hoped the other would get the hint, and he did. A soft kiss and a lot of undressing took place then and they didn’t stop during the whole night even though they ran out of condoms and lube at some point, and not even when they took a few moments of resting on the sofa just holding hands and petting the other’s head and talking about anything that came to their minds in that moment. The night felt eternal, until they looked at the hour and Tsukishima worriedly told Kuroo that he was supposed to travel back to Miyagi at noon to pay a two-week visit to his mother. They fell asleep then, embracing the other, and woke up an hour afterwards, before Kuroo’s mother arrived and saw the scene that was taking place in her living room. Tsukishima kissed Kuroo goodbye and told him he would let him know once he had arrived to Miyagi. Kuroo smiled and waved good-bye as he watched him leave.

He had been telling himself that he was just imagining the feelings and happiness he felt when he was with Tsukishima, but in that moment, while he observed him cross the street wishing he turned to wave good-bye before disappearing, he had to admit that he might have fallen back into the old habit of loving him.

When Tsukishima didn’t even glance to see him one more time, Kuroo’s disappointment finally uncovered the feelings he had desperately been trying to ignore.


End file.
